A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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