Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
