As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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