So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
