Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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