But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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