I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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