Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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