Banned from zoo.
Again?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
