I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
