All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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