you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
