OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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