It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
