What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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