Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
