we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
