dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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