My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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