Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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