And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize