I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize