True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
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Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize