I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
