it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
