PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
