Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wear drunk well.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
