i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
