Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
