So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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