Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am full of burrito and curiosity
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
