Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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