Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
did i just pee glitter
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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