I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
