I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
