she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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