drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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