the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
