You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
