He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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