so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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