I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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