He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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