if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
