shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
