when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
