I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
