what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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