he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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