im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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