Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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