I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
