That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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