It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
