It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
