That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
