Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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