i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
