her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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