I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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