So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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