He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
