You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
